Home

Advertisement

Aug. 27th, 2009

(no subject)

it was my bfs birthday! ..his parents took me and him and his sib out to dinner, which was fun and he said he had a great birthday and was so glad he got to spend it with me, ugh but now i feel soooo sick to my stomach, my body is not used to meat ...AND THAT IS ALLL THIS RESTURANT HADDD! :/ ughhh...oh well im starting over tm i think its going to be a good day

Aug. 22nd, 2009

(no subject)


Height?: 5'4
Weight?: 124
Lowest Weight?: 110
Highest Weight?: 130
What weight do you want to weigh?: 100
What eating disorder do you have?: anorexia

In Depth

How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: usually under 500, other times i dont do as well
Do you throw up your food on occasion?: I've tried but i cant do it
Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?: mostly just a supermodel version of myslef
Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: swim cross country and recently cheer
Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: yeah
Have you ever fasted? yes
Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: sometimes
Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: very much so, but more by the people around me
Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: no
Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: no 
Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: yes

Body Image Q's

Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: yes
What part of your body would you change?: my legs and stomach are disgusting
On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: i dont use one to ten scales, but im not happy
Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: it find it difficult not to
Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yes
Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: no mostly to people i know

Health/Food

Do you think you eat healthy enough?: absolutely not
Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: more like all food
Fat grams?: no
Calories?: uh...YES!!!!!!
Are you often tired/fatigued?: yes, i like it though
Do you feel more energised after eating food?: not at all i feel like shit
Do you eat meat?: only white meat
Do you eat your food in a certain way? My food can't touch, ever...and it has diffrent foods need to be made a certain way otherwise they are not worth eating (ex. pb&j must have a thin layer of penutbutter on each peice of bread with jelly in the middle and the bread cant be torn or smushed)
Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: people say i lok tired alot
Have you ever thrown up blood?: nooo
Is your heart bpm above 49?: no
Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: i almost fainted once in the mall, my bf carried me out

Other Stuff

Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: not all cases
What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: it is not understandable to most people, but it helps those who need it
Do you have any other mental disorders? depression
What's your favourite food to eat?: not that i love the taste of it particularly but i think lean pockets are amost like a project to eat so i love it
Favourite drink?: milk
Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: alot of the time
Do you want to recover?: yes

(no subject)

god, i love my bf so much..i can talk to him about anything
we talked all about what we are insecure about and what bugs us
and our familys, and he loves me
its hard though, knowing i can only be with him for a year...god i wish
i could just stay with him..it would be perfect
we where talking about how guys rate girls one to ten, i said i didnt want to know
my number, which honestly i didnt..he told me that i knew i was beautiful (how i wish that was true)
but he said that none of that matters because he just wants to be with me, only me.. and he wants to be mine
i told him im scared, im so scared that im going to have to leave him before im ready...i really love him
it makes me sad knowing that our time is so limited, hes my everything i just care about him so much i want to
just be with him.

Jun. 17th, 2009

summer;; new begining


its summer
i got my belly button peirced
one of my biggest regrets
idk why i thought i would want to draw any attention to the fattest part of my body
i feel like summer it is so easy not to eat though..maybe its the heat
god i cant wait till i reach my gw :100

Jun. 14th, 2009

(no subject)

its weird how i complety forgot that somtimes guys have feelings too
and its just not all hooking up with them
i cant belive i just assume that thats all they want
i feel like its kind of sad that ive learned that from experience
my friend tonight was telling me how he wouldnt take his ex girlfriends virginity even though she was ready.. it just stunned me how much he honestly cared...i wish somone cared about me like that ..it just showed an amazing amount of respect

May. 20th, 2009

boring thoughts

i got to thinking today how i really only have two modes ...all time high and rock bottom.
it just applies to everything; my moood, the way i deal with people(either love them or hate them), and just evrything is two extremes
when i was watching my old one tree hill seasons ( ha cus im a loser and watch reruns constantly in my free time)
the kids wrote down what they wanted most out of life right now... and i just thought how much i wanted balance.
i never have a in the middle im either extatic or deppresed. im either working out drasticly to a point of exaustion or i dont work out at all..and why should my eating be any diffrent..i dont eat for days then eat full on for an hour strait i want
i just feel like its destructive behaivor...i dont know any other way  :(

May. 13th, 2009

(no subject)


hmm okay well in the last two days i have eaten a total of:
two strawberries
one yogurt (60 cals)
and two iced coffes

how many cals are there in a DD carmel coffe with carmel swirl cream and splenda?
for some reason its soo much easier for me not not eat alot on my . weird i knoww

May. 10th, 2009

(no subject)

happy mommy day :)

my   nana   is   visiting   us   tm
or   tday   or   whatever   it    is ...
she  is   just  constantly   telling
me  and  my  sister  if   we  have
lost    weight     gained     weight
look        good         look         bad
have   the    wrong     color    nail
polish  etc.    it    sucks     i    hate
dealing   with   it  just   beacause
i have gained...  when i have lost
i am so  happy  to   see  her  and
cant wait  isnt  that   horrible  that
my ED  even  applies   to  seeing
my nana the nana  that  loves me
i  hate  that  it  effects   everything
i cant change it.. its  always  there

Mar. 31st, 2009

gone bananas


im at 700 cals tday i am freaking outt
if i go burn 700 cals at the gym am i safe?

how many cals are there in a bananas?

gone bannanas

im at 700 cals tday i am freaking outt
if i go burn 700 cals at the gym am i safe?

how many cals are there in a bannana?

Mar. 29th, 2009

(no subject)

i need out. i need out of everything out of feeling fat out of theese clothes that are tooo small for me now out of this school with all of theese skinyy ass lucky girls out of this town that doesent feel like home out of my life out of all the situations i dig my self into out of all the bad relationships ive created with people out of my body i needd to get away from everything and i cant i need a stress reliever i just dont know how ughh i need this so bad ive never wanted anything more its soo frustrating that the one thing i want the most that would make me the happiest i can not just natrually have

Mar. 12th, 2009

enough

today my mom hugged me and in a really loving
nice way said "you are really skinny, rose its enough"
i just thought omg if u only knew this is farrrrr off from
anywhere close to enough...i cant stop crying i have
to be careful now when i eat...like breakfast my mom
knows i dont buy it at school...shes gonna make me
eat it at home now help?!?! :(

Mar. 11th, 2009

(no subject)


okay so i kinda did a mini healthy binge that i cut myself off of to go to the gym
im going to try and go for a fast tm since i have a half day ;)
soo happy i hop i can do it
current weigh in 126
also im going to try to get my hands on some diet pillsss
theres some hydroxycut in the house im gonna try that
xxx

Mar. 10th, 2009

(no subject)

sooo did okayy today
i wishh i didnt have to eat breakfast
stupid.... mom always makesss me
practicly force feeds me :(
butt i still dont have a dress i gained bad so i wanna fast idk maybee

Mar. 3rd, 2009

control

i willl have control back i promise myself

Feb. 26th, 2009

(no subject)

food=tears
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Feb. 17th, 2009

(no subject)

i like never post in my own journal
but im going to for alittle while to tack my goal
i have two goals
one involves my beautiful new pair of jeans
the other a very tight prom dress
i want to fit into them so baddlyy
i can do it
Current progress
jeans: fit but look disgustingly tightt
prom dress: i can zip it up till it hits
my boobs then i have to have somone
else zip it up beacause its so damn tight
but it will get looser :)

Aug. 7th, 2008

before the 11th

ok so i have to loose as much as possible before the 11th
thats when captains starts and i start meeting ppl from my new school
im so scared i want this sooo bad!!

Aug. 5th, 2008

poemhmmm

everything is quiet, still
she closes her eyes, takes in the thrill
she takes a breathe, as he gets his fill
she knows to him she is just another
but does not stop, for the possibility
he might love her.

Aug. 4th, 2008

i love this song

 you still cant make me cry
youve pinned this butterfly down
my fires burning out,
kill this flame without, a frown.
and starving hurts the soul
when your hungry,for some love
so if i close my eyes i can really fly above

Advertisement

Customize